Make a list of all the people you have harmed and become willing to make amends to them all. Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others. Much is written about steps 8 and 9 in the Twelve Steps for Anonymous groups. I, by no means, will write extensively about them but I will share some of my personal insights.
These two steps, like the others, go on throughout our lifetime. When I first started to do these steps, 29 years ago, I now know I had a lot of growing to do to take them to the depths they need to go. At first, my list was pretty short, after all I was sexually abused around 9 years old, physically abused during my youth and abandoned by my parents. I worked concrete construction to support myself, so I could finish my last two full years of high school, while living with my elderly grandmother. I wanted some apologies! I had some anger and if I had hurt someone — well, they probably had it coming.
I developed an addiction to pornography, but porn was handed to me around 10 years old. What about those older guys? Wasn’t it their fault? My life was falling apart at 38 years old and most of the reasons, in my mind, were someone else’s fault.
During the first year of my recovery, more people would be added to my list of people I had har ...
