Burn the Bridges

Complimentary Story
May  2024

   Some people at the 2024 WCN Spring Conference, entitled “We Won’t Back Down,” demonstrated great courage when they raised their hand. They raised their hand when I asked if anyone had been looking at porn or had other sexual sin in their life and they knew in their heart that God was calling out to them to come out of the darkness — today was the day to end this sin and come into God’s light and be free. 

   It takes abundant courage to admit sin in the presence of others. Some did not raise their hand and some of those sought me out later in the evening or the next day to tell me they did not have the courage to raise their hand but should have. I told them they were still demonstrating great courage to come and tell me. Many of those that raised their hands and many others came and talked openly, proving to me that talking about pornography opens the door to break the secret, there by the power of Satan, so people can find help and healing. Many discussions started during the conference and I pray many more happened after, but what comes next, if we won’t back down?

   Sexual sin, like viewing porn, which is fornication or adultly depending on our marital status, are sins against our own body and results in a great amount of shame;  that’s why it is hard to talk about.

   With the secret broken, now we need to burn some bridges so we can’t return to our sin(s). I am a firm believer in starting with statements of the will, not “I’m going to try” statements. Whether it is porn, R- rated movies, people in the store or people at work, whatever you are struggling with, you fill in the blank, “I will not ________.” Now back that up with God’s Word. “I have made a covenant with my eyes to not look lustfully at a girl.” (Boy, woman, man). Job 31:1. Use your concordance and do some looking for your own specific Bible verses that fit your issue(s) and put them to memory, to use when tempted. God’s Word is where the power is.

   Most porn is viewed on the internet, so here is how you can burn a bridge to it. Put an app, like Canopy, on all your internet devices. Including those at work. Canopy will block 99.9% of porn and will blur flesh tones. You also set up an accountability partner that will be notified if you try to get around the app. I strongly suggest your spouse or pastor be your accountability partner and have them install the app. Pick someone close to you, someone you respect and would never want to let down. But only they know the password. That way you can’t turn it off and on. Burning a bridge to our sin source means making it harder than hard to go back.

   What if the sin source is movies or some other media? I like the family covenant. My wife and I have made a covenant, (promise), to each other and to God as to the media we will watch. If we decide to watch something, we have discussed it first, No R ratings, no skimpy dress or sexually suggestive media. We only watch together, never on our own. Only doing media together with someone else and never alone, burns a lot of bridges. 

   Sometimes the sin source is breathing. I have experienced this many years ago when I had 19 employees, most of who were women. My wife appropriately points out “there is always a woman that is trying to unlock that door.” Several times, in my life, a woman tried to get too close, “unlock the door.” It starts with just conversations, then consoling for the shortcomings of the spouses and crying on each other’s shoulders. This situation is going to only get worse. The person has to be confronted and the bridge burned. In my case, I pointed out that there cannot be close personal relationships with the opposite sex in the work place, especially with a person married to someone else, as I was, and my faith in God would also be compromised. To continue exhibiting behavior in attempts to build a close personal relationship would bring a written warning, as the verbal warning is taking place as we speak and if that doesn’t work, termination would take place. With one employee, that worked,  and they established good boundaries, with the other, they quit work and never came back. Either way burning the bridge worked for me. 

   If you are not in management, you can still have the discussion with your manager or boss and put boundaries in place that burn the bridge. There are many laws, in regard to sexual harassment in the workplace that could be taken advantage of. Do what it takes to burn the bridge; it matters not if the person in question is offended or their feelings are hurt, you are protecting yourself and don’t back down. If you are the aggressor, you can still have the discussion with the other person and management to put boundaries in place that end intimacy with co-workers. “For the grace of God that brings salvation has appeared to all men. It teaches us to say ‘No’ to ungodliness and worldly passions and to live self-controlled, upright and Godly lives in this present age.” (Titus 2:11).

   As a Christian, loyalty to God’s Word takes precedent in all situations and should be used as our shield of defense in all temptations.

   The first 9 chapters of Proverbs are full of instructions against adultery and the wayward woman. Wayward “man” can be substituted for “woman” throughout and not change the instructions. We need to not set our foot on the path of the wicked. We need to set up any and all boundaries to avoid the path of those who would lead us away from faithfulness to God’s Word. His Word is life to all who find them and health to a man’s whole body. (Proverbs 4:22). We need, at all times, to fix our eyes on God’s Word and promises and not swerve to the right or left of His instruction. (4:25-27). Falling into sexual sin can lead to death, (5:23), spiritual and physical. But if we keep His commands we will live. (7:2). The voices of those who would try to seduce us away from God’s commands are loud and defiant, (7:11), (9:13), but choosing to follow those voices are a highway to the grave, (7:27, 9:18).

   There is great reward for following wisdom and God’s instructions. In this case, the great reward is for being faithful to your spouse. Rejoice in your spouse, be captivated by your love for each other, enjoy each other, yes physically too, and that is to be shared with no one else. Great blessing comes from absolute tunnel vision on our physical desire being exclusive to our spouse. Proverbs 5:15-19. 

   My wife and I are extremely blessed, we are captivated by our love for each other and we work at expressing that to each other every day. I wake my wife every morning with kisses on her back and shoulders. Then I sing softly, “there she is, miss all creation, the most beautiful woman in all creation.” She replies, “no I’m not.” I say, “the best of the best, head and shoulders above all the rest.” She calls me “gorgeous” and I tell her she is the reason people call me, “Lucky.” That’s how every day starts and we work at expressing our love for each other and expressing why we are captivated by each other throughout the rest of the day. 

   The result is we love each other more and are captivated even more by each other and we are totally content and satisfied with and by each other. 

   You can experience this in your marriage also. Burn the bridges to anything else. We will not back down from God’s instructions to be excusive to each other and our prayer is that you will not back down either.

Lynn Fredrick is the author of Stand Firm.” Stand firm over sin. Stand firm in your faith.


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